It's 4:30 in the morning. I've been waking up and not sleeping much tonight, and I got the urge to get up and start straightening. For more than one reason, I think it's about freakin' time I get my things unpacked and organized so I can find and enjoy what I have, and get rid of the excess baggage that I've been carrying around...and walking around...and bumping into...and basically been avoiding. I hope I'm not waking up my roommate.
I was fairly agitated when I got up a few hours ago. And now I realize that there is more than just one contributing factor to my feelings. The first thing I went after in my fervor was my jewelry. I tend to plunk it on the nearest dresser when I take it off. And when I see it, all this beautiful jumbled jewelry gleams up at me--begging me to put it away carefully, begging me to appreciate it enough to do that each day. So I turn away in self judgement. "Why can't I keep my things straight?"
I just finished reading Gretchin Rubin's The Happiness Project. It was a delightful journey with her as she tries various resolutions to be happier. Her honesty is refreshing, her initiative inspiring. One thing I liked best is she worked on changing herself, her actions and attitudes, instead of changing the whole structure of her life. Intuitively she knew that she simply needed to examine her outlook and reactions; that she was not enjoying or appreciating enough the good life she already has. Her resolutions, whether successful or not, brought much mindfulness into her life, and this in turn allowed her to choose a happier, more peaceful way. She stepped into a life of awareness and gratitude.
The unsettled state of my things, much still in boxes, is a reflection of my state of mind. Although happy, I still have things I need to unwrap and examine, purge, and let go. I have loose ends that I need to tie up. I'm not sure why I've put it off. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed at times and that doesn't help. But, I find out so often, that some things are much easier when you dive into them than you think they will be. The build-up in my mind is often out of perspective. However, there is something to be said for the emotional side. When we put off life issues, often there is an emotion behind it that needs to be brought into the light."The unexamined life is not worth living." ~Socrates
My last task in organizing my jewelry was to untangle a few chains. Untangling necklaces is almost a mysterious process. You pull it apart, often not really knowing how to go about it. You're simply hoping it will come untangled at some point, you just need enough patience. As I went along, I realized there were too many ends to be just two chains. I was working with three. It seemed to take forever, but the task was fairly meditative and brought my mind to a calmer state. And so it is with our emotions. As we untangle our feelings driving (or stalling) us, sometimes we are surprised at what is there. But some patience, applied diligently over time, gets the job done; gets us through to a place of functionality and beauty again. Compassion for ourselves allows us to untie the knots and then tie up the loose ends.
