Knowing

"Faith" is a much-maligned word these days. It has different meanings to different people, depending on what has been taught to you--what agreement you have made that it signifies. Even during different times in our lives, the word can have either a positive or a negative connotation.
Today at lunch I saw the following country kitsch sign on the wall:

Worry ends where faith begins.

It got me thinking. In my experience, the word "faith" conjures up an action verb feeling--you have to 'have faith' or 'summon up faith'; in other words it's not always something that comes easily. It can sometimes be work to have faith.

True faith is a knowing. You know from experience, you know from your gut. You know the truth. It's not a superstition or even a strong hope. And you only need a small mustard-seed sized amount of knowing for the truth to work for you.

A child knows that a light goes on when the turn the switch. They don't have to be an electrician. They don't have to understand currents. They don't have to see the wires installed in the walls. They have a tiny amount of knowing, but it is enough to act upon, and the world responds appropriately, by natural law. If one day, the light does not go on when the child turns the switch, it is not because their knowing is wrong. It is because there is something interrupting the flow of current--the flow from Source. Their parent, who has a bit more knowledge on the subject, would know to check the light bulb or the circuit breaker. Most of the time, that will do the trick, and the connection is restored. If not, they would call an electrician, who would diagnose and fix the problem. Electricians have even more knowledge; they are the Masters of their field.

In our lives, all we need is a tiny amount of "knowing" to access the spiritual realm and the universal laws. Sometimes flipping the switch doesn't work, so we have to take a look and see what is interruping the current. We need to each remember, that inside of us lives our master electrician, and by going inside we can gain the insight we need to reconnect to Source. The more we go inside ourselves for help, the more we will learn to trust the knowing that resides there. It will become part of our concscious experience. Others outside of ourselves can help us and point the way, but always the journey will be inward for us to become our own Masters.

A little bit of knowing is all we need to have "faith."

Worry ends where knowing begins.

Knots

It's 4:30 in the morning. I've been waking up and not sleeping much tonight, and I got the urge to get up and start straightening. For more than one reason, I think it's about freakin' time I get my things unpacked and organized so I can find and enjoy what I have, and get rid of the excess baggage that I've been carrying around...and walking around...and bumping into...and basically been avoiding. I hope I'm not waking up my roommate.

I was fairly agitated when I got up a few hours ago. And now I realize that there is more than just one contributing factor to my feelings. The first thing I went after in my fervor was my jewelry. I tend to plunk it on the nearest dresser when I take it off. And when I see it, all this beautiful jumbled jewelry gleams up at me--begging me to put it away carefully, begging me to appreciate it enough to do that each day. So I turn away in self judgement. "Why can't I keep my things straight?"

I just finished reading Gretchin Rubin's The Happiness Project. It was a delightful journey with her as she tries various resolutions to be happier. Her honesty is refreshing, her initiative inspiring. One thing I liked best is she worked on changing herself, her actions and attitudes, instead of changing the whole structure of her life. Intuitively she knew that she simply needed to examine her outlook and reactions; that she was not enjoying or appreciating enough the good life she already has. Her resolutions, whether successful or not, brought much mindfulness into her life, and this in turn allowed her to choose a happier, more peaceful way. She stepped into a life of awareness and gratitude.

"The unexamined life is not worth living." ~Socrates

The unsettled state of my things, much still in boxes, is a reflection of my state of mind. Although happy, I still have things I need to unwrap and examine, purge, and let go. I have loose ends that I need to tie up. I'm not sure why I've put it off. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed at times and that doesn't help. But, I find out so often, that some things are much easier when you dive into them than you think they will be. The build-up in my mind is often out of perspective. However, there is something to be said for the emotional side. When we put off life issues, often there is an emotion behind it that needs to be brought into the light.

My last task in organizing my jewelry was to untangle a few chains. Untangling necklaces is almost a mysterious process. You pull it apart, often not really knowing how to go about it. You're simply hoping it will come untangled at some point, you just need enough patience. As I went along, I realized there were too many ends to be just two chains. I was working with three. It seemed to take forever, but the task was fairly meditative and brought my mind to a calmer state. And so it is with our emotions. As we untangle our feelings driving (or stalling) us, sometimes we are surprised at what is there. But some patience, applied diligently over time, gets the job done; gets us through to a place of functionality and beauty again. Compassion for ourselves allows us to untie the knots and then tie up the loose ends.

Reversing Inertia

"Every object persists in its state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line unless it is compelled to change that state by forces impressed upon it."

Newton's First Law of Motion, it seems to me, is not just a physical law, but an emotional and a spiritual law as well. Our ways, our habits, our reactions are difficult to change. In fact, we don't have a reason to change them until something outside of us acts counter to it. Something outside of us--yet perhaps this could also be something inside of us, just outside of our normal consciousness.

I didn't change an unhealthy eating habit until confronted with the consequence of a high-risk level of cholesterol a few years ago. I didn't acknowledge a deep desire of my soul until years of repressed anger and stress manifested as illness and depression. I didn't challenge my belief in a patriarchal and suppressive dogma until my dark years of the soul led my fearful self, gently one step at a time, into the light of authenticity, power, and love.

So, I wonder, why is it when I start something that I really enjoy, does it sometimes take more than one push to keep me going? Is it simply a matter of overcoming inertia, until this new activity becomes a habit? Or is it a matter of finding that place of balance, where I have equal time to relax 'mindlessly' as well as to be engaged mindfully? Perhaps in time I will find my formula. I have found that freeing up time in one's schedule is an open invitation for the Universe to offer an opportunity to fill it back in again. I need to remember to schedule 'me' time. And even to define what that is.

I also need to allow myself to change my mind, without guilt, at any point when needed. I forgot my dance class one week because it was still new to my routine and I was out of my routine since my car was in the shop. I missed the next week because I needed a nap. Perhaps I would have been happy if I had gone, but that nap made me pretty happy too. What I need to be mindful of is --when do I withdraw from activities from a place of authenticity, and when do I withdraw because it is something new, different, and slightly out of my comfort zone? Is my reaction from love (self-care) or from fear? How can I help myself overcome inertia, even emotional inertia, and really go after what I want?

Tonight I started a joined a new yoga class initiated by a friend. The location is a beautiful setting which certainly enhances the experience. Also, having beautiful women there that I already know and trust will help me overcome Monday-night inertia. Just seeing them is medicine for my heart. I'm hoping that this will become a much-looked forward to part of my routine. Yoga bunnies, unite!

One

I sit here in the pre-dawn morn,
The day beginning to be born—
Light from darkness, yet still I know
The dark is oft where new seeds grow,
And get their humble hopeful start
In secret chambers of my heart.

I’ve known this frequency so long,
Yet now just picking up the song
That springs forth from that earthly place
Deep inside, and with fecund grace
I hear your melody, a strain,
And find familiar the refrain.

At once amazed, and yet in sync
I fall in tune and deeply drink
This water which sings lyrical
Of life’s most common miracle.
And full for now, I simply rest
And watch the flower manifest.

With this illusion we call time
Unknown is often the next rhyme.
Content to wait, we both are held
In the good earth as stanzas meld
Into one symphony, our own,
One baptized as “Mi Corazón.”

Happiness is a Choice

Happiness is a decision we make every day, every moment. What one thing can you do right now to be happier? Here is just one:

Change your mind.

By changing the way you perceive things, you can be happier. The person in front of you in line is talking loudly on her cell phone. The clerk has a dour expression and doesn't respond to your smile. Your mind is still at work, where your co-worker continues to do that annoying thing you hate, and your boss has found yet another project for you to do...So what? None of this need affect your happiness unless you let it. It is your choice. Is it a surprise that other people act and react differently than you do? Is it a surprise that someone hasn't changed? You haven't. Allow them to be where they are at, and forgive yourself for where you are at as well. It's all okay.

I'm starting my Happiness Project, and invite you to as well.

"Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42

The Perfect Day

I'm sitting here, on Gwen's porch, rocking and reading. Suddenly, my thoughts stop with the realization, "I am right where I want to be." And while this gives me pause, it's not entirely shocking. Ask me how I'm doing, these days, and I'll generally tell you, with honesty, "I'm happy!"

Looking back, if years ago I had been asked, "What would an ideal day look like for you?", I have a feeling it would have gone something along these lines:

• Go to work to a job I love
• at an organization that makes a difference in the community.
• At lunchtime, on this beautiful day,
• dine with a wonderful friend
• at a new (to me) delightful eatery downtown
• in this city that I adore. After work,
• head to the CSA (which I help organize) pickup and
• separate the shares of fresh, locally grown, organic veggies with
• our farmer (Tommy, who works hard, complains little, and has very kind eyes).
• This week: sweet and hot peppers, apples, and squash (spaghetti, butternut, and delicata)!
• Then, relax,
• rock on the porch, and
• read a good book.
• Talk to friends as they come by,
• hold a baby,
• give hugs,
• drive home leisurely
• with the windows down
• through a park,
• and eat chocoloate ice cream for dinner.

And this is exactly what my day has been. Yes, the mosquitoes are making a grand feast of me as I sit on the porch. Yes, there are situations I'm dealing with that are not as pleasant as ice cream for dinner. But I'm still happy. I know those things will get wrapped up in time. And my home isn't perfectly arranged. I'm still unpacking and sorting through boxes. But I'm very glad to be here. I'm very glad for my roommate, especially as we mutually provide emotional and spiritual support for each other, beyond even the financial benefit of sharing a house.

More everyday, I am living one of the simple rules of happiness: Find something right now to be happy about. In other words, be happy in the now. Be in the now.

Today at work, one of our managers came in. I said to her, "It's really good to see you. You're one of those people who always have a smile no matter what's going on." "There's no use not to," she replied. And she's right.

After all, it's just a ride.

So, back on the porch, I look back to my book, The Happiness Project, and turn the page. The next section is titled "Enjoy Now."

So--what does your perfect day look like?

Just a ride

"It's just a ride." So said young comedian Bill Hicks. Sound familiar? (Did I hear don Miguel in the back of the room?) Bill reminds us:

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, it feels real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down, and round and round, and it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud. And it's fun--for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: 'Is this real, or is this just a ride?' And other people, have remembered, and they come back to us, and they say, 'Hey--don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because it's just a ride!' And we kill those people...It's just a ride, and we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money; a choice, right now, between fear and love."

We are each living the dream of our life. Our dream is made up of our beliefs, our interpretations, our agreements, and those that we have learned from others. We can look at the drama from many perspectives. I can second-guess my decisions, I can worry about whether I'm doing everything right. I can do that very well; I've done it for much of my life. But I'm getting more of a glimpse of the "ride" from the car where my fellow passengers are screaming with glee with their hands up in the air, instead of the one where everyone is white-knuckled and puking in mid-air.

Today a situation arose that normally would cause me more anxiety. Instead, I was able to laugh about it. It's part of a larger situation--one where I know I'm doing what's right, but it's unknown territory and could be scary. But, if I screw up a little bit on the execution of it...I'll say "Oops!" and remember that "It's only a ride." And I used to hate roller coasters.

Grace

In the midst of life, we find ourselves. Every choice we make takes us closer or further from our highest good. So, hopefully we approach each decision with the proper reverence. Even the hardest decisions, that seem to tear us apart, can bring joy and happiness in the end; sometimes even sooner than expected.

The time for me to write again has come. The time has come to create. To weave into existence transmutations of the beauty I see and experience. Beauty in love and in pain. Beauty in adversity and in success. Beauty in the everday and the ordinary. Beauty is all around me. Beauty is unavoidable.

To the Universe: Thank you for the omnipresent Grace you have showered upon me during the past few years, and that you continue to rain upon me; kisses from Heaven.



grace   /greɪs/ noun, verb, graced, grac·ing.
–noun
1. elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.
2. a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.
3. favor or good will.
4. a manifestation of favor, esp. by a superior.
5. mercy; clemency; pardon: an act of grace.
6. favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity.
7. an allowance of time after a debt or bill has become payable granted to the debtor before suit can be brought against him or her or a penalty applied.
8. Theology:
a. the freely given, unmerited favor and love of god.
b. the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.
c. a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces.
d. Also called state of grace. the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.
9. moral strength: the grace to perform a duty.
10. a short prayer before or after a meal, in which a blessing is asked and thanks are given.
11. ( usually initial capital letter ) a formal title used in addressing or mentioning a duke, duchess, or archbishop, and formerly also a sovereign (usually prec. by your, his, etc.).
12. Graces, Classical Mythology . the goddesses of beauty, daughters of Zeus and Eurynome, worshiped in Greece as the Charities and in Rome as the Gratiae.
13. Music . grace note.
–verb (used with object)
14. to lend or add grace to; adorn: Many fine paintings graced the rooms of the house.
15. to favor or honor: to grace an occasion with one's presence.