Light

Sometimes I lay under the moon
And thank God I'm breathin'
Then I pray 'don't take me soon'
'Cause I am here for a reason

Somtimes in my tears I drown
But I never let it get me down
So when negativity surrounds
I know someday it'll all turn around...
~Matisyahu, "One Day"

I don't always understand the lessons Life has for me. Shouldn't it all be so much easier? Even as I say that, I have to acknowledge that life is easy, when I approach it with an open heart. That doesn't mean I won't have challenges, or disappointments, and heartbreaks. But there is always help, and grace, and Love, both inside and from outside. I don't need money for everything I want in order to enjoy life. I don't even need all the people I love to respond to me the way I wish...All that would perhaps make life easier, but, I dare speculate that my life would be wildly different, and perhaps not as rich if things always went the way I think they should.

I had the pleasure of hearing Big Wide Grin this weekend, and they sang one song about how our flaws and cracks make our lives richer. The metaphor was about clay pots, which in ancient times, would be mended with gold when they cracked. Over time, the pot would become pretty much pure gold from all the mending of all those cracks. Life continues to mend my cracks with the precious metals of friendship, strength, and Love.

This year I got a Christmas tree, a real one, for the first time in over a decade. Artificial cannot come close to comparing with this blue spruce beauty, who holds a presence of her own in my home, one of immense peace, connectedness, and love. Her name is Lucy Donna, Lady of Light. And with the light strings, angel, and ornaments holding decades of memories for me, she really does shine. And so do we all, in our own way. What ornaments do we display for the world? What light do we shine forth?

Another song at Sunday's concert that really got to me was "Ready to Fly." I had to leave the room, and sit on the porch steps for a while with my glass of wine, a box of tissues, and a friend's shoulder to cry on. Last week, my first college roommate left this earth after a very long battle with brain cancer. It seems so unfair that she had to struggle with her health for so long, and yet she savored every moment that was hers. Tonight, I will attend the memorial service for another amazing lady who lived an incredible life into her mid-90s, shining her light for generations to follow. And I want to just celebrate the joy of knowing these beautiful women. My tears sometimes seem more for the families left behind, and sometimes they seem more for me. Why do I feel I have lost something when really I gained so much by having them in my life, even for such a brief period of time? I can't explain that to myself, but I know I have been blessed by their light.

This Christmas season, this Yule, this time of celebrating the return of the light, has been particularly poignant for me. Every tradition has delighted me, as if I am a child again. I am reminded of the richness that these traditions can add to our lives; the sights, the sounds, the smells...the sharing.

My heart is full and overflowing. Step close and let's runneth over together.