Courage

cour·age [kur-ij, kuhr-]
–noun
1. the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
2. Obsolete . the heart as the source of emotion.
—Idiom
3. have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.

Origin:
1250–1300; Middle English corage; Old French, equivalent to cuer, heart (> Latin cor) + -age

—Synonyms
1. fearlessness, dauntlessness, intrepidity, pluck, spirit. Courage, bravery, valor, bravado refer to qualities of spirit and conduct.

Today I congratulated some young people on being presented with an award. I met three of them once, and I made the comment to them today that I hoped someday I'd have the courage in doing my life's work as they have shown in doing theirs. Sometimes when I see young (younger) people doing so much, it feels as if I've missed out on my own life. After all, shouldn't we all be doing wonderful, brave things as they are? Shouldn't I have been knee or waist-deep in my passion 10 years ago, instead of toe-deep now, entering the middle phase of my life?

Yet I know, comparing myself to others is a "sin" against myself and the work my Spirit is doing inside. I can actually hear my therapist admonishing me for doing this and reminding me of all the ways I have shown courage in my life. The courage to leave my marriage and life of a decade and dare to seek my heart's desires. The courage to leave a high salary in search for more meaningful work, health, and happiness. The courage to shed a toxic dogma in order to continue in my faith journey. The courage to love again and be vulnerable. The courage to ask for what I need and want in a relationship, and not compromise. The courage to learn to stand up for myself in uncomfortable situations. The courage to look inside myself and learn new ways of being, to heal long neglected parts of myself, to change. The courage, sometimes, simply to take care of myself. The courage to dream, dream of my life's work, and look at ways, small steps to further that dream.

Certainly the past few years have been some of the most challenging of my life, and yet, each difficulty faced has led me to decisions that called upon my inner courage. And when I finally was able to summon up that courage, each path has enriched my being, created anew a more authentic Me, and brought more happiness to my life with the promise of more to come.

I love how the word "courage" has "heart" literally at its entymological root. And that 2nd obselete definition makes me smile: "the heart as the seat of emotion." That seems about right to me. Courage comes from the heart, and not our head. And often it takes a lot of courage to act out of what we feel in the heart. I am finding that perhaps the hardest, most courageous thing of all, is simply examining our deepest emotions to learn the truth of what is there. Whether we like what we see or not, it can be life-changing, and that is a scary thing.

I have been on this heart journey for a long time. And I will continue on it. Continue, even in a more conscious and intentional way, examining my emotions to better know and heal myself. And as for my dreams, well, I have faith that my courage, my heart, will take me through the next door. Big things are ahead!