That Left Turn

My car must hate that left turn. It's the one I take at some point nearly every day. It's the last left turn before I get to my neighborhood. It's less than half a mile from my neighborhood.

It's the left-turn lane where I rear-ended someone three months ago.

It's the same left-turn lane where my car stalled completely out tonight. And oh, what a great place to be. The very front of a left-turn lane right at the beginning of Friday night rush-hour traffic.

For reference, I was in the eastern side of the intersection. The east left-turn lane.

The battery light had gone on yesterday...but we'd just replaced the battery a few weeks ago, so surely it didn't need immediate attention. So I'd just dropped by the bank to deposit actual earnings, and was on my way home. Coming over the 95 overpass, my car stereo sputtered then died. Weird. Okay, hubby will take this in in the morning to get it checked out. Then, I'm at the stop light at the intersection. The east left-turn lane. The air-bag light starts to flicker. Really weird. Okay, hubby will definitely take it in tomorrow. Then the car starts sputtering. Uh, oh. Come on, baby. Just give me a few more minutes, just another mile. Please don't die on me in the middle of this busy intersection in the middle of rush hour traffic. Please don't... Oh crap.

So there I am. In the middle of rush hour traffic with a stalled car. I put on the flashers. The left-turn light turns green. The cars behind me begin to honk and wave their arms angrily. Evidently they never figured out what their emergency flashers are for. I wave back in frustration as I dig out my insurance company's number from the glove box. Eventually the cars behind start driving around me, to the left. No compassion, these people.

This scenario repeats for at least 5 light changes, as each new line of cars behind me learns (very slowly) that I'm stalled and I'm not going anywhere. Then the flashers die completely, so it's even more fun. (By fun, I mean embarrassing and frustrating.) One kind soul does pull up beside me and ask if I need help. They call the police while I'm trying to get through my insurance company's automated menu. Of course I can't remember my pin number at a time like this! And no, I don't want to clearly speak "I don't know" into the phone at a time like this! I eventually resort to pressing zero repeatedly. Whoever invented those automated menus should be shot. Repeatedly. Or, even better, be sent to automated phone menu hell, a hell of their own making.

Eventually I reach a real person and ask for the Emergency Roadside Assistance department. They ask if I require emergency assistance or just the roadside assistance department. Didn't I just ask for the emergency roadside assistance department? Huh? Oh, they are asking if I need the police. No, just roadside assistance; someone has already called the police for me. Am I in a safe location? I don't think so! I'm effing stalled in the middle (okay, not exactly the middle, but the left-turn lane) of an intersection. My life is in peril from these people behind me. So I get the Roadside Assistance person, and they ask me if they can ask me a few questions to better provide me service? What? I had to have her repeat the question. I was busy waving another angry line of cars around me. And yes, ask the questions. Please don't waste my time for permission to ask me what you need to know. She asks "Are you in a safe location?" and "Do you require police, etc?" Oh, God.

So finally, they get the information they need, including where I want the car towed (which, after figuring out, I had to repeat half a dozen times and eventually spell--I'm sure the stressed-out tone in my voice was not appreciated). They tell me I will get a call soon with the tow truck company's name and ETA. Meanwhile, I'm still waving angry drivers around me. The call comes in not long after, telling me that the tow truck should be there within an hour. An HOUR. Oh, God. By this time, I've also reached hubby to apprise him of the situation.

Soon after, a county cop pulls up behind me. Thank God! I talk with him briefly, and he sits behind me with his lights on until the tow truck arrives. Now, at least, no one is beeping at me anymore. No--now the drivers in the northern left-turn land are rubber-necking at me as they drive past me and the cop car. Remember, I don't have flashers on. I look like someone who's gotten busted. Yeah, that's me. I got busted. All the drivers that pass me have this look on their face, like "who's the criminal" and "shame on you." I am a pariah. Meanwhile--and this is kinda fun--the drivers in the southern left-turn lane area also rubber-necking, to the point where they aren't paying attention to their own light turning green. So now, they're getting beeped from behind. Ah, the simple things.

The drivers behind me, behind the cop (who still has his lights on), are just sitting there waiting for us to move. Eventually they realize that's not happening, so they move to the right and either turn left in front of us or just go straight. I'm watching the progression in the side mirror. Some are turning around at the CVS and taking another street to get to the next light up. But, predictably, as soon as one line of cars clears, a new line comes up behind the cop, and the whole dance starts over again. Some of them sit through several light cycles. I hear a few beeps behind me. I wonder if they're beeping at the cop. Probably not. The only cars that immediately get into the next lane when they see the blue lights are other cops.

Eventually I realize that the left-turn lane light is no longer turning green. Someone downtown has turned it off. My lane is permamently (at least temporarily) red. This really confuses the drivers behind me, I think. I continue to watch the line of cars behind me in my side mirror. Nope, not hubby. Nope, not the tow truck. Not hubby, not the tow truck.

At some point, during the midst of the embarrassment and stress, a friend's face pops in my mind and says 'isn't this a great time to practice extending compassion to others in a similar situation or with similar feelings?' And part of me says, 'Really, at a time like this?' And my friend says, 'What better time?' Of course he's right. I sigh, and remember that this is a short-term discomfort. I feel slightly better.

The tow truck arrives. (Thankfully well under an hour.) Hubby arrives. I ride with the tow-truck driver to the dealership. The insurance company's automated service calls during the ride to advise me that my tow-truck driver should arrive within 15 minutes. The driver, Vince, is very nice. He thinks it's the alternator. Or the battery was not the right kind, but more likely the alternator. He manages to get enough power to the car so I can roll up the windows. We sign in and then drive home. As I'm unlocking the front door, the insurance company's automated service calls to advise that my tow should have arrived by now. I have a beer. And then I blog.


(And about the aforementioned accident, what can I say, I was preoccupied. If I told you the story you'd understand. And it was my first at-fault incident ever, so I'm doing pretty good, considering my history of accidents [mostly as passenger except for the one where both cars were totaled]. Another long story for another time!)

I'm drinking watermelon juice...

...and I know you're completely jealous!

It's a boy!

On Saturday, the chrysalis was still green like before, although it did seem slightly lumpier in the middle. It twitched when a friend blew gently on it. Today--surprise! Hubby was on his way to work and came back in to tell me that the butterfly had emerged. I watched it for long time while it sat there, gently folding and unfolding (just slightly) its wings and gaining strength.

Eventually the breeze was too much for it, and it flitted down to the ground and then to some weeds under the car to sun itself further. The large yellow spots indicate that this baby's a male black swallowtail butterfly. What an amazing thing that those caterpillars, who just two weeks ago were munching the parsley, are now emerging as these beautiful creatures. Now, on to planting some more flowers and parsley for our new friends. Namaste, little butterfly.

I have not slept in 8 years

I have various theories on this:

1. My husband is HOT. Seriously. He emanates body heat like nobody's business. This is convenient a lot of the time for me, particularly in the winter, since I have thin blood vessels and thus do not regulate heat well. Sometimes I complain when he goes to bed long after me, because I cannot get warm enough on my own, no matter how many blankets I pile on. However, a few hours of this during the summertime and I'm throwing covers off of me because I'm overheated.

2. My husband steals the covers. This he will adamantly deny, but it's true. I should know; I'm the one waking up, not him. I like to be snuggled in even when its warm outside.

3. My husband sleeps like a log. I am a light sleeper and wake up at the slightest stimulus. This can include, but is not limited to: a) becoming over or under-heated b) having the covers stolen from my side of the bed, and c) crazy nocturnal cat shenanigans. Deep down I think I resent hubby for sleeping so well. Perhaps the Universe has some comic need to balance his heavy sleeping by making me sleep less.

OK, since I know some of you are snickering and planning to give him a hard time about the above, on to some reasons that don't involve blaming my husband, and which perhaps have more physiological validity:

4. I'm stressed. When I'm worried I toss and turn for hours while various (usually negative) scenarios play out in my head. Also, this pattern of sleeplessness has been around 8 years long, which while it coincides with my marriage, also coincides with starting my job with corporate America. While marriage can be stressful, ours has been on the blessedly happy and content side (yeah I know, gag gag, whatever). And college was a stressful time, too, but I slept like a baby back then, most of the time. I would wake up a few minutes before the alarm clock rang every single day. I stopped using the alarm clock because my body always knew when to get up, even when my schedule changed. Now I wake up before the alarm clock rings, but its hours, not minutes before. So, working for the man is the more likely culprit. Ultimately, however, I think stress has more to do with why I can't get back to sleep than with why I wake up.

5. I have some imbalance or intoxication in my liver. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), energy flows through 12 different meridians over a 24-hour period. Each meridian is associated with a different organ, and since I generally wake up at about 3am, this could indicate my liver is somehow involved. Of course TCM also suggests that heart/spleen issues commonly cause insomnia. Actually, looking over that list (at the prior link), I have all of those symptoms involving both the liver and heart/spleen. Maybe I should go see Steve Chen as my mother-in-law keeps insisting.

6. An imbalance of my Vata-Kapha nature, based on the ancient Ayurvedic tradition. I've been reading about this, and I'm still pretty rough, but I think I'm getting a slight grip on it. It all relates to the body and what types of food is better for different doshas, or natures, of people. Vata is the air/space side of me seated in the throat and heart chakras, which gives me, of the three doshas, the "greatest potential for a profound spiritual life" (I'm not making this up), but also makes me vulnerable to worrying and insecurity. On the other hand, my Kapha nature is the more grounded side of me (water/earth related to the root and sacral chakras), giving me my motherly and practical nature, but on the flip side vulnerable to lethargy and depression. The Vata and Kapha natures are fairly diametrically opposed, but together it seems they can balance the other's weaknesses. Basically I'm spacey and grounded, spiritual yet practical. Down to the main point here . . . Vata energy is most active between the hours of 2 and 6 (am and pm), so are most likely to become restless and lose sleep during those early am hours. And it seems fairly plain to me that both my Vata and Kapha natures are imbalanced, since I'm showing negative signs on both fronts, although the symptoms seem to overlap somewhat.

7. I am deficient in minerals, possibly including magnesium. My herbalist confirmed that I'm mineral deficient, which I've discussed briefly before. My chiropractor recommended a magnesium supplement, because it helps the body relax, and is needed to balance the effects of calcium in the body. We hear we need calcium all the time, but hardly ever hear about magnesium. This stuff is supposed to help me sleep better. Well it works great for Steve but has yet to do the trick for me.

8. I have hypothyroidism. I have never ruled this out even though my doctor did some test saying I'm not, since I show so many symptoms. And the normal blood test isn't supposed to be that reliable, according to nearly every alternative medicine source I've read. Thyroid function is connected with the production of serotonin, which helps regulate mood, temperature, blood pressure, sleep, etc. etc. Another complication is the common prescribing of antidepressants like Prozac, Zoloft, etc, which are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). If depression is due to hypothyroidism, then the underlying cause is not being treated, and the drugs are not effective until the hypothyroidism is addressed.

9. One of the other 442 causes of sleeplessness.

10. Alternately, I'm just thinking about this too darn much and it's keeping me awake.

So what do I need to do? For starters, follow all the normal advice that it's so hard to do:
1. Exercise
2. Drink lots of water
3. Eat healthy
4. Don't eat after 8 pm
5. Go to bed at the same time every night... the earlier the better ("an hour of sleep prior to midnight is equal to 2 hours of sleep after midnight")
6. Take my magnesium and other supplements even when I can't tell it's making an immediate difference
7. Get checked for hypothyroidism before I jump on the SSRI bandwagon
8. Get regular massages!! (Olivia, I know where to come!)
9. Hire a personal chef who can provide healthy and enticing meals for me every single day at the right time of the day
10. Hire a maid to do all the crap around the house that I just don't want to
11. Heck, while I'm at it... hire a personal assistant and a personal trainer and a life coach to help me keep organized and motivated with everything else
12. Win the lottery to make all the rest of this possible (not just so I can afford #8-11, but so I have time to do the rest!)
13. Sigh (aka remember to breathe), try not to get overwhelmed, and at least start...baby steps, right?

and last but not least

14. Just pull the covers back over and go back to sleep!