The impeded stream

It may be that when we no longer know which way to go we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings. ~ Wendell Berry, Collected Poems.

There have always been two places where I feel close to God through nature and where I find healing: the mountains and the ocean. I am learning that I need to retreat to both places regularly for the sake of regenerating my soul and spirit. And in general, my husband and I need vacations just for us. We have not had a 'real' vacation in 5 years. We have had many trips out of town, but mostly to visit friends or relatives at holidays, weddings, or more recently, a series of funerals. I have not sojourned to the mountains, except incidentally, in 9 years, although during our trips to Ferrum and Roanoke I did feel refreshed by being among the hills and mountains. I have not traveled to the ocean at all in 10 years, so that is where I set my attention this summer.

My gracious friend opened her home to me, which made the trip easy and affordable. It was a time to relax without guilt, to just be. I made it to Huntington Beach once, and to Buckroe Beach on the Chesapeake Bay three times. I attended three yoga classes, and had a lovely massage. I ate out alone for lunch most days at a lovely deli across the street where every attention was paid me, and for dinner either stayed in or ate out with Hope as company. Evenings I would snuggle on the couch in my pj's and silk kimono robe and read or watch television. On my last day we went to the cinema to the ultimate feel-good summer movie.

And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play in your hair. ~ Kahil Gibran

The beach gave me just what I needed. The saltwater and sun are both healing to the body. I swam and floated in the sea, walked the long shoreline, and just listened and watched the waves crashing on the shore. The waves ebb and flow, one after the other, now quiet and now loud. Being near the ocean helps me deepen my breath--I often find I'm holding my breath or breathing very shallow especially during stressful times. I also think of the ocean often when meditating, as it helps me let go of stray thoughts when I think of each thought as a different wave that is just crashing on shore then washing away back into the stillness of my mind.

"Prana" is the Sanskit word for "breath" or "life-force", similar in meaning to the Chinese word "qi" or "chi", the Greek "pneuma," and the Hebrew "ruah" which refers to the "Breath of Life" in Genesis that created the world and the physical being of man. The practice of yoga (meaning "to control" or "to unite") centers around the breath and prepares one for meditation. In daily life, we often 'take a breather' or even just sigh deeply when we are stressed or angry and need to calm down and center ourselves. Is it any wonder, then, that I was instinctively drawn to the ocean and yoga practice during my retreat? I need oxygen in a big way, on all levels--physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

The way our breath behaves within us becomes a dynamic metaphor for the way we move on the outside. Full breaths are characteristic of living a full life, and visa-versa. ~ Catherine Ghosh, The Breath of Bhakti: Pranayama from a devotional perspective.

By inhaling, we provide much-needed oxygen to our cells, and by exhaling rid our body of carbon dioxide. When we don't breathe well, we acidify our body, which opens us up to all kinds of dis-ease. I have larger-than-normal lungs, but due to my asthma I am using about 18% less lung capacity than the normal woman (with normal lungs) my size. I developed asthma and migraines around the same time as I was taking on more responsibility at work. (Coincidence?) Later, as the stress increased both at work and outside I developed heartburn, and high cholesterol. I got tired of the drug cocktail my doctors had me on and went to an herbalist to get to the root of the problem(s). It wasn't a big surprise when a BT assessment showed that my body was de-mineralized and overly acidic. Although I can't prove it, I am convinced that the majority of my health issues were directly related to stress. Add to everything a trough of depression that I can't shake alone (the body is so attached to the mind!).

Meditation, a better diet, exercise, counseling, and a less stressful and more fulfilling job are all in my program for better health, and I'm working on each one in degrees. My vacation filled a need, although it wasn't the instant cure-all that part of me secretly hoped for. But I got what I knew deep inside I really needed--stillness, awareness, time for simply being without guilt. After all, inner peace isn't hiding on some beach somewhere. Everything I need is inside of me, waiting to be expressed, interpreted, delivered, born again into my reality.

While remembering, yet again, this truth during my retreat, here is part of what I wrote:

Yet God has spoken to me this week. Through my yoga asanas, through the hands of the masseuse, through the friendliness and care of the Deli Basket staff, through the gentle company of a friend, through the persistence of a cat, through the rolling of the ocean, the rough sand on my feet, the sun burning my skin. And more directly through the printed word--reminding me that everything is connected--my emotions and my health, myself and the Universe, and the great religions of the ages. And even in loneliness and aloneness, in sadness and in boredom, God is there--I am there--I am. I am here, right now. I am here right now--God experiencing life as Heather. I have everything I need.

I may be, in this moment, an impeded stream. But that's okay. I'll observe this part of my journey; simply be here with it with a gentle, knowing joy. And when it's time to move on, I will do so, again with joy.

Namaste.