Knowing

"Faith" is a much-maligned word these days. It has different meanings to different people, depending on what has been taught to you--what agreement you have made that it signifies. Even during different times in our lives, the word can have either a positive or a negative connotation.
Today at lunch I saw the following country kitsch sign on the wall:

Worry ends where faith begins.

It got me thinking. In my experience, the word "faith" conjures up an action verb feeling--you have to 'have faith' or 'summon up faith'; in other words it's not always something that comes easily. It can sometimes be work to have faith.

True faith is a knowing. You know from experience, you know from your gut. You know the truth. It's not a superstition or even a strong hope. And you only need a small mustard-seed sized amount of knowing for the truth to work for you.

A child knows that a light goes on when the turn the switch. They don't have to be an electrician. They don't have to understand currents. They don't have to see the wires installed in the walls. They have a tiny amount of knowing, but it is enough to act upon, and the world responds appropriately, by natural law. If one day, the light does not go on when the child turns the switch, it is not because their knowing is wrong. It is because there is something interrupting the flow of current--the flow from Source. Their parent, who has a bit more knowledge on the subject, would know to check the light bulb or the circuit breaker. Most of the time, that will do the trick, and the connection is restored. If not, they would call an electrician, who would diagnose and fix the problem. Electricians have even more knowledge; they are the Masters of their field.

In our lives, all we need is a tiny amount of "knowing" to access the spiritual realm and the universal laws. Sometimes flipping the switch doesn't work, so we have to take a look and see what is interruping the current. We need to each remember, that inside of us lives our master electrician, and by going inside we can gain the insight we need to reconnect to Source. The more we go inside ourselves for help, the more we will learn to trust the knowing that resides there. It will become part of our concscious experience. Others outside of ourselves can help us and point the way, but always the journey will be inward for us to become our own Masters.

A little bit of knowing is all we need to have "faith."

Worry ends where knowing begins.

Knots

It's 4:30 in the morning. I've been waking up and not sleeping much tonight, and I got the urge to get up and start straightening. For more than one reason, I think it's about freakin' time I get my things unpacked and organized so I can find and enjoy what I have, and get rid of the excess baggage that I've been carrying around...and walking around...and bumping into...and basically been avoiding. I hope I'm not waking up my roommate.

I was fairly agitated when I got up a few hours ago. And now I realize that there is more than just one contributing factor to my feelings. The first thing I went after in my fervor was my jewelry. I tend to plunk it on the nearest dresser when I take it off. And when I see it, all this beautiful jumbled jewelry gleams up at me--begging me to put it away carefully, begging me to appreciate it enough to do that each day. So I turn away in self judgement. "Why can't I keep my things straight?"

I just finished reading Gretchin Rubin's The Happiness Project. It was a delightful journey with her as she tries various resolutions to be happier. Her honesty is refreshing, her initiative inspiring. One thing I liked best is she worked on changing herself, her actions and attitudes, instead of changing the whole structure of her life. Intuitively she knew that she simply needed to examine her outlook and reactions; that she was not enjoying or appreciating enough the good life she already has. Her resolutions, whether successful or not, brought much mindfulness into her life, and this in turn allowed her to choose a happier, more peaceful way. She stepped into a life of awareness and gratitude.

"The unexamined life is not worth living." ~Socrates

The unsettled state of my things, much still in boxes, is a reflection of my state of mind. Although happy, I still have things I need to unwrap and examine, purge, and let go. I have loose ends that I need to tie up. I'm not sure why I've put it off. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed at times and that doesn't help. But, I find out so often, that some things are much easier when you dive into them than you think they will be. The build-up in my mind is often out of perspective. However, there is something to be said for the emotional side. When we put off life issues, often there is an emotion behind it that needs to be brought into the light.

My last task in organizing my jewelry was to untangle a few chains. Untangling necklaces is almost a mysterious process. You pull it apart, often not really knowing how to go about it. You're simply hoping it will come untangled at some point, you just need enough patience. As I went along, I realized there were too many ends to be just two chains. I was working with three. It seemed to take forever, but the task was fairly meditative and brought my mind to a calmer state. And so it is with our emotions. As we untangle our feelings driving (or stalling) us, sometimes we are surprised at what is there. But some patience, applied diligently over time, gets the job done; gets us through to a place of functionality and beauty again. Compassion for ourselves allows us to untie the knots and then tie up the loose ends.

Reversing Inertia

"Every object persists in its state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line unless it is compelled to change that state by forces impressed upon it."

Newton's First Law of Motion, it seems to me, is not just a physical law, but an emotional and a spiritual law as well. Our ways, our habits, our reactions are difficult to change. In fact, we don't have a reason to change them until something outside of us acts counter to it. Something outside of us--yet perhaps this could also be something inside of us, just outside of our normal consciousness.

I didn't change an unhealthy eating habit until confronted with the consequence of a high-risk level of cholesterol a few years ago. I didn't acknowledge a deep desire of my soul until years of repressed anger and stress manifested as illness and depression. I didn't challenge my belief in a patriarchal and suppressive dogma until my dark years of the soul led my fearful self, gently one step at a time, into the light of authenticity, power, and love.

So, I wonder, why is it when I start something that I really enjoy, does it sometimes take more than one push to keep me going? Is it simply a matter of overcoming inertia, until this new activity becomes a habit? Or is it a matter of finding that place of balance, where I have equal time to relax 'mindlessly' as well as to be engaged mindfully? Perhaps in time I will find my formula. I have found that freeing up time in one's schedule is an open invitation for the Universe to offer an opportunity to fill it back in again. I need to remember to schedule 'me' time. And even to define what that is.

I also need to allow myself to change my mind, without guilt, at any point when needed. I forgot my dance class one week because it was still new to my routine and I was out of my routine since my car was in the shop. I missed the next week because I needed a nap. Perhaps I would have been happy if I had gone, but that nap made me pretty happy too. What I need to be mindful of is --when do I withdraw from activities from a place of authenticity, and when do I withdraw because it is something new, different, and slightly out of my comfort zone? Is my reaction from love (self-care) or from fear? How can I help myself overcome inertia, even emotional inertia, and really go after what I want?

Tonight I started a joined a new yoga class initiated by a friend. The location is a beautiful setting which certainly enhances the experience. Also, having beautiful women there that I already know and trust will help me overcome Monday-night inertia. Just seeing them is medicine for my heart. I'm hoping that this will become a much-looked forward to part of my routine. Yoga bunnies, unite!

One

I sit here in the pre-dawn morn,
The day beginning to be born—
Light from darkness, yet still I know
The dark is oft where new seeds grow,
And get their humble hopeful start
In secret chambers of my heart.

I’ve known this frequency so long,
Yet now just picking up the song
That springs forth from that earthly place
Deep inside, and with fecund grace
I hear your melody, a strain,
And find familiar the refrain.

At once amazed, and yet in sync
I fall in tune and deeply drink
This water which sings lyrical
Of life’s most common miracle.
And full for now, I simply rest
And watch the flower manifest.

With this illusion we call time
Unknown is often the next rhyme.
Content to wait, we both are held
In the good earth as stanzas meld
Into one symphony, our own,
One baptized as “Mi Corazón.”